Relapse.

How do you define relapse with an eating disorder? I am told recovery is not linear, there will be good and bad, so how do you know if you are relapsing?

Well, I guess when you know you know. I am currently in yet another relapse. I hate food. I can’t eat, let alone keep anything to digest. It’s been over a week since I have come close to meeting my meal plan. I throw up to the point it is neon yellow bile.

I feel like I am falling back into a major depressive sate.

I am down to 141 pounds, sounds like a healthy weight, not for me.

I feel like a worthless human.

I hate this week.

What do I say to everyone? Do I be brave and be honest? Will that embarrass my

family? Does that matter? It is my life, I should get to choose what I share.

I hate this.

I want to be better.

This is not my first relapse, and likely will not be my last. It is hard to imagine a life withouhg this dark cloud looming over me at all times.