Thanksgiving 2.0

It has been almost a week since Thanksgiving.

If you would ask any of my family, I had a great time. I was happy, silly, funny, life of the party. Inside, I hated it.

I am around the food the entire day and do everything in my power to not eat it or eat less than everyone. In the past I would eat a “normal” amount, purge, repeat, and often continue to repeat, and finally let myself have some turkey, turkey is a safe food, and keep it.

This year I was able to get rid of the repeat phase of thanksgiving, but this year I also ate less than usual. I also starved myself the entire day.

Around a year ago I admitted my problem that I have had for over a decade. When I decided to go into treatment, I thought holidays would be sooo much easier going forward. I have now realized holidays and food will likely always be a struggle.

It’s a win that I only purged once, but I so desperately want it to be none. I don’t want to have to starve all day for every holiday or even dinner out just for Alice trying to convince me that if I don’t eat all day, she will let me keep dinner. She so often quickly changes her mind after dinner.

I put on a strong face per usual, but Thanksgiving still sucks for me.

To give some context, my this is a little what my Thanksgiving looks like.

-              20-30 family members there, sometimes random family members who you haven’t seen in years show up.

-              We have food the entire time.

o   Appetizers and guest arrival at 5, which I set up and stage.

o   Appetizers are moved to the counter and I help set up dinner

o   Dinner is served and I hep set up

o   I clean up dinner and do dishes

o   Dessert is served

o   My mom packs up to-go boxes for everyone

-              During this time, you have to explain to your family members what is going on in your life. For me that is nothing.

o   I’m sure everyone can relate to the shitty small talk

-              Appetizers include:

o   Shrimp cocktail

o   Palmetto cheese

o   French onion dip

o   Clam dip

o   Cheese ball

o   Charcutier board

o   All the types of chips you could want

-              Dinner includes

o   Turkey

o   Ham

o   Brockley casserole

o   Brockley cauliflory bacon cold casserole

o   Stuffing

o   Mashed potatoes

o   Sweet potatoes

o   Spinach salad

o   Rolls

-              Dessert includes

o   Cheesecake

o   Death by chocolate

o   Random things others bring

Clearly, plenty of food.